Just try and understand

Im only 17, one of the youngest in the year group. When was a kid i had very limited friends because no one would play with me. I used to sit in the corner by myself and only had 2 friends. As I grew older I still had limited friends. Having limited friends growing up always made me think that no one wants to be my friends. The Srestha you see in front of you today has had a wacky child hood. Yes i was blessed in the sense i had awesome parents who loved me and cared for me to death, but when it came to school i was alone. If i ever spoke up my friends would stop talking to me. Perhaps that is why i seek comfort in keeping quiet and to my self. As i grew older i came into a group of friends who were all athletic and could play games. I tried my best, but being the fat indian kid i didnt get far. When playing games like elastcs i would always loose. No one would want me in their team. They made a new position for me "the ghost", the player that is in no ones team but can play. I guess they felt sorry for me. Why wouldn't they. I always stuck to teachers, and perhaps that is why i enjoy talking to my teachers and going to them for help.

It was only in high school that i started to make friends, but even then i remained reserved, never really showing who i was. I have made a few best friends in high school i love to death and who know me for who i am. At school i am a totally different person, the total opposite of who i really am. No one at school besides a few people know my interests, my talents, my likes and my habits. Its a shame that i finished high school and 95% of people dont know who i really am. But that not the point, the point is that lately i have been feeling really down. Yes I am the srestha who always laughs and makes jokes, but is that really me? Looking through my photos i was never a skinny kid, and in this day and age that is so disgusting is seems like being skinny means everything. I am not one to follow fads and to conform, but lately it seems like my mind is going there.

You know it really hurts when you constantly remind me how I'm not skinny and dont look good in this dress and that dress. it hurts when you point out to other people and say that "you could have been like her". I know, i used to play competitive tennis but stopped, i know i used to do piano but stopped, i know i used to sing but stopped, i know i used to dance and then i stopped, i know i started the guitar but stopped. I stopped so many things and do you think it dosent hurt? When i perform on stage, and others clap i feel happy. And then you remind me that if i had practiced more i could have maybe done better. Yes i made mistakes and i didnt study as hard in junior years but i cant turn back times. I am trying my hardest now and its not good enough. I came top 5 is half of my subjects but still you say i could have done better. Why can you never be truly proud. I need all you know the most and it is now that you guys are making me feel like shit. Do you not think i want to walk down the street wearing the pretty dress? Do you not think i want to become successful in life. Being a teenager in the 21st century is hard as hell. I know you have alot of expectations on me and i do try to fulfil them, but i wish you accepted the fact that i cant always be first and i cant always sing the best at concerts.

Im insecure just like every single person in this world. We are all fighting our own battles and it would help if you supported. You  say stuff like "dont worry srestha can eat the whole thing", i laugh it off and join in, but have you thought is that actually hurt me? I know im not tall, or skinny or very smart or can sing as well as others but each day i try. You just have to accept me for who i am. I will never be the smartest girl or the skinniest or prettiest girl. I will always be srestha, and i know that this srestha may not be good enough for you but i hope you learn to accept the fact that i did try. i made mistakes and im trying to fix them now. I know that time has been lost and i can never recover those moments. If i could go back in time i would never leave competitive tennis, i would never leave piano or guitar or dancing. I would try better at studies and maybe i would practice singing a bit more. I am who i am today and i am because of these mistakes a much more stronger person. Growing up i was never surrounded by friends who loved me but i found people alone the way that actually do accept me for who i am and love me. I hope they will be here forever. But please, just try too understand, im human to and i am trying.

I know that if i don't get a specific atar you will not be pleased. but what can i do? i am trying. i really am. i just hope that you guys can appreciate the fact that i am trying and now just bitch about me behind my back that i am now studying and that i will get no where in life.

I wish you understood

Singning off,
forger. xo

Graduation

So today was graduation. its done its over. mfhs year of 2013 we have frikin done it! 6 years later we stand here today. yes there has been countless bumps and pot holes along the way but we finally did it. throughout these 6 years i have made life long friends who i know i will be with forever. every single one of you, in one way or another have contributed into making the srestha that stands before you. i have never felt such a closeness and bond with so many people. you guys are truly amazing, every single one of you. although we have our differences we gel together as one. there has never ever been a cohort as close as ours and i honestly doubt there ever will be. i would even call it "magical" that we, all 150 of us gel and mix so nicely. 6 years has come to an end and now we face the HSC ahead of us. i know that each and every single once of you will be able to accomplish your dreams. you guys are truly amazing, frikin love you all. thank you for 6 years worth of memories, laughters, tears and smiles. you guys are family. #MFHS2013FAMILY

Last tuesday of high school

So today was the last tuesday of high school, it was also our informal graduation. The way went pretty well i guess. First period we played cards ^^ my addiction of the game "signal" has only risen and is bound to rise even further haha. I also learnt a new game called "spoon" or "pig" or whatever you  call it which was pretty good as well!


Legal studies was pretty fun, we gave Ms.Kensett a watch and took photos. I went crazy on skittles and ate a bunch and then we played celebrity heads which was heaps fun. I remember the last time i played i was in year 6 haha and back  then we used to put names like "Hilary duff", "Lindsey Lohan", "chad Michael murry" and all that haha! and today we put stuff like "julian assange" "snooki" "lana del rae"and "whitney houston" haha but yeah that was pretty good.

instead of art we had the rehearsal for our graduation tomorrow which was not bad besides the fact i kept on getting agitated and wanted to eat! last period was informal graduation which was amazing. the speeches were so moving and touching, the performances were mind blowing and the year 12 video was AMAZEBALLS! no words will do justice to it's amazingness haha. a few years were shed but yeah, good tears! i cant wait till tomorrow. i can guarantee there will be many many tears tomorrow! frikin love our grade!

Last Monday of High School

It is the beginning of the end. The last week of high school. But not only that, but the last week of 13 firkin years of schooling! Last monday. i am so excited and scared at the same time. This past week i have just been eating junk food at class parties, and when i didn't have class parties i crashed others :) haha but yeah i decided that i would document these last few days i spend with you all :) I will divide it period wise and include pictures :) enjoy!

So basically i had to carry 12L of soft drinks in the morning for the art class party but it was so damn worth it, and i will get to that in a second haha. Luckily i got my brother to help me with that.

First  period : Maths! We don't do anything in maths at all and this period was no exception! haha so we just all talked and stuff and took class pictures. [in the first  pic: the idiot trio, second pic: maths class]

Recess: i gave my presents to Ms. Kensett and Mrs. Mc Dermott which was good!

Second period: Earth and Env Science! well firstly i was the only one there along with Kristen and i was bummed because the rest of my friends dogged me. But then they all started coming along haha. we had to party so we basically walked around the school crashed the physics and business studies party and walked some more. The scariest part of the day was when tishler came to the senior area and saw a bunch of us just sitting. and i nearly died of fear because i had my phone out playing minion rush and i wasn't wearing the school shirt under my jersey. he obviously didn't by it that we were having a formal meeting (which is what we told him). he knew we all skipped class but you know its the last week and were all just having fun and he knows it as well so yeah that was pretty good!

Third period: Legal studies! we had a pizza party which was good and filling. i got the vegetarian pizza because I'm vegetarian on mondays and Tuesdays! we once again took class photos and just chatted along [legal class all looking very sad haha. Also lauren  is missing in this pic because she was in the toilet getting changed for barricades]

Lunch: the year 12 cohort had a barricades tournament which was amazing to watch. its the last time we will every play barricades :( loved that game haha. but yeah so we just watched form the stage and cheered on! ppl were getting hit and them falling and yeah, a good game [selective vs communities barricades game! communities won with 2 points and we lost with 0] [ second pic:  the three idiots ; Kiran, me and Chantelle]

Last period: Art! i was super excited for this party because Dermo fully planned it from ages ago. she made invitations cards and everything. it was known as "the last supper"! super fun! so Ms decided to decorate the whole thing and it looked AMAZEBALLS! she lined up the tables to make it look like a long dinner table, she had plats and serviettes all decorate nicely! she even went the extra step to make a lotus out of the tissue ahah and yeah we all had out individual place cards with individual arts on it! she gave us all personalised cards and a small painting she did :') it was the most amazing party and gift i had received. the sentimental value just went past the roof! she put in so much effort and it was a blast! loved every single bit of it! the food was amazing too! Oh and the godly caramel tart and double chocolate moose cake was made by our art teacher and tasted amazeballs!

So yeah! that was the day! on the way back yafa dropped me home which was amazing because i had 4 bottles of soft drink left and that weighed a tonne! Chantelle and Kiran were in the car too. Kiran got off at the station and there was a crazy lady who was swearing and throwing her finger up in  the air and yeah... she also had a baby with her. how is she allowed to be a parent! anyways! on the way to dropping Chantelle we all laughed in the car and i thought i peed in my pants a little :P haha ( i didn't though, just to clarify) haha but yeah! it was an amazing day and i loved it. the last monday was a blast!

tomorrow is going to be the last tuesday and our informal graduation :) cant wait!

Bollywood Syndrome

Now i think most of you know that I have random urges to watch Bollywood movies. I frikin love them... at times when they are not cliche.  HOWEVER! they are also the most evilest things on earth. I haven't been watching Bollywood movies as readily as i used to these two years because of HSC which is also evil. But thats not the point. So yesterday after fathers day lunch we went to this indian shop at sutherland to buy random spices. My brother and I were looking through the dvd section and i really wanted a copy of "Isaqzaade" even though i have watched it numerous times and its on the net. I wanted it on dvd because its got my bollywood crush in it aka arjun kapoor. frikin sexy as. anyways so i bought this movie called "ramaiya vastavaiya" because my best told me it was pretty funny. So it was a romantic comedy which because i am sometime a girl i love haha. And after watching that movie i had the Bollywood syndrome which is basically when you have this crazy idea that everything in the world is perfect and prince charming is waiting for you. so yeah, and because i watched it yesterday i am still suffering from this syndrome and its actually quite sad because you are completely removed from reality for a few days. ahah and for those who haven't watched a bollywood movie heres a run down on the bollywood syndrome

1. You watch a bollywood movie. Most likely one where a boy and a girl fall in love and its the sweetest love story and the boy is basically prince charming.
2. If your a girl watching this, then the boy is the most romantic thing you have seen. good looks, amazing personality and basically perfect. the boy loves the girl too much and he does everything for her and is willing to give his life. He even goes to length to show how much he loves her my occasionally getting beat up and shot :) If you are a boy watching this then the girl is this amazing pretty, sensible family orientated girl that looks like she walked off a cat walk. she is most likely studious and has never had a boyfriend before and is waiting for prince charming. most of the time its us female viewers who goes crazy for these bollywood males.
3. You laugh throughout the movie and sit there with a paper and pen and write down the songs throughout the movie that you will download as soon as the movie is over. if you find the characters attractive then you will also google the shit out of them and get ready to watch other movies of them.
4. the movie finishes and you retreat back into your room and go on youtube to listen to and download the songs.
5. You then play the lovey dovey songs on repeat for the next few weeks
6. you go to sleep thinking if the movie were real and if you would find a boy/girl like that
7. you wake up thinking the same thing
8. this continues for the next few days or weeks depending on your level of obsessiveness.

And there folks is the bollywood syndrome. extremely deadly and will most likely lead you to watching more and more bollywood movies which will then ensure that you never break out of this continuous  cycle

oh and i also graduate in three weeks.

Signing off,
Forger xo.