Leave me alone to die

It appears that everything i want to study is either lacking in job prospects or is highly competitive. Now i really don't know what to do with my life. Will i even get a job let alone fulfil my life long aspirations of being someone successful? I am about to give up. what will i study in uni? Right now i have two options and one is deprived in the job prospects area and the other well only 25 to 30% of students end up passing and going into honours because it is such a difficult ad demanding course and not to mention competitive.

I give up guys.

Leave me alone to die and weep in my bed whilst eating Nutella straight from a jar.

Forger. xo

Confidence

Today i just want to talk about confidence. So recently I have been looking through my old photos and looking back I have never been a skinny child. However, i came across photos of me in year 9 and saw that once in my life I was actually my desired weight. So i thought long and hard and thought why i lost weight back then. It was because I did no work, no studying no nothing just sat in my room spending al l my time on my appearance and my weight. At the time i thought that was great i felt pretty looked pretty and was confident. But now i look back and see what a foolish thing that was to do. Neglecting all studies evidently let to my downfall in my studies. And now i look back and laugh at foolish me. Silly me, spending all my time on looks just for guys that i had a crush on which are nothing. haha. So now that brings me back to my blog post about today. So in year 10 i kind of STARTED to realise that studying was actually a good thing to do and that would actually take me somewhere. But by then i lost a whole year of my life. So trying to catch up and be where i wanted to be in terms of education led me to gaining weight. But it was still okay. Year 11 and 12 hit and now I am looking at my photos and sometimes in the mirror and thinking wow, i look so different. I have gained alot of weight and the slim fitting dresses i once wore and now neatly folded at the top of my closet, probably never to be worn again. It's kind of sad. I'm in a total mind set now and although i still care on how i look i know that i will never be able to get back to being that skinny me in year 9 because i am not willing to sacrifice my studies just to look good. 

But... i have been thinking. I have been thinking long and hard about what im doing, how i look and all. In this disgusting consumerist world looks is all what we seem to care about. But the truth is, it not about looks, its about confidence. You may be the prettiest girl in the grade or the most stunning guy people have ever seen, but at the end of the day if you lack confidence, your "appearance" and the way people perceive you will be severely impacted. 

Confidence is a person is what makes them stand out. Not looks or wealth or how much you weigh. Confidence makes you radiate and shine bright. Yes i am very short and not an "acceptable" height that  has been labeled by society. Yes i may not be skinny and look as good as many but i have confidence. And trust me, whoever you are that is reading this, confidence if the most flattering thing you can put on. And when i talk about confidence i don't just mean confident in how you look but confident in what you do, what you say and how you act. Wake up everyday saying that "i am awesome" and "i can do anything" because you can! we all can! 

I saw this girl who was stunning the other day, blonde hair, blue eyes perfect body and height and what  society deems as "stunning". Now with an appearance like hers you expect her to be confidence right? Well she was standing in a corner, shoulders hunched and biting her nails. She was lacking confidence, looking at her people would be less likely to approach her even though she was absolutely stunning. Next to that girl was another girl, shorter and not as slim. But, she stood up straight and smiles and had a look of confidence on her. It was easily seen that people we taking more note of her than the blonde girl. But guys this goes to show, whoever you are and whatever you look like, confidence is the main thing. 

If i can be short stubby and look like a bag of potato's and still be confident then im sure you can do.

And for all you ladies out there, guys are attracted to confidence. And vice vera for guys as well. No girl would want to date a guy who mopes around all day. That saying, don't be cocky either!!! Have a balance.

I know this blog post was different but i hope you guys liked it. 

Signing off,

Forger. xo 

VID INC

Okay so yesterday i went to Vid Inc and it was the most amazing experience ever and i finally got to meet my idol. It was only at 5:30 in the morning when my friend called me and said that there were meet and greet tickets so i was worried that we wouldn't get any.

We arrived at 8:30 ish and we were in a huge line and in 30 mins the line extended beyond belief! We waited in line for 2 hours until we finally got in. We had bought the VIP admission tickets and so glad we did because we got seats while the general ad people had to stand. While sitting down watching you tubers perform i went in twitter and searched up the #vidincau and i found that so many people had bought VIP tickets and meet and greet passes as well and went allowed in because there was an overflow of people. That was really disappointing because they spent over $100 :/ i think it was because  some people going the admission tickets on the day and that led to an overflow and the people who ordered months ago couldn't didn't get in.

So back to the meet and greet passes i was extremely fortunate to get the last superwoman ticket which was amazing. I also got a ticket to meet Paint who is extremely cute and looks a bit different in real life?!

haha anyways so superwoman was upstairs with all the you tubers and she came into the balcony and we all ran and started screaming out her name and then superwoman started pointing at me. i didn't think it was me because there were so many people there and then she's like "You! hey ! you! i love your hat!" and then she smiled and did a love heart and thumbs up and i nearly peed in my pants haha!

meet and greet was amazing it was my turn and i walked in and my knees started shaking and i started crying. and everyone was like "aww she's crying" and i looked like a complete idiot because im one of those weird people that look like a dying pigeon when their crying. but yeah so superwoman gave me a hug and then she was like "hey are you okay" and i just started at her and then she  gave me another hug! she was so awesome and so lovely and such a kind and genuinely lovely person! so blessed to have met her! i got photos with her on the dslr and then she look a luvo with me and signed the bazzilion things i asked her to sign! so blessed.

all in all it was an amazing day. mostly because of superwoman and the fact that
a) she spotted me in a crowed and said she liked my hat
b) the whole meet and greet situation!

haha and now i will leave you with some photos in which i look like ive been smoking ot because my eyes are red from crying.

enjoy!

signing off.
Forger. xo.

Trials are over!

Its over. Its DONE. well for now that is... Haha! I have finished my trial examination and i have realised how close i am to the end. only 35 days left... Well these two weeks have been both good and bad. good in the sense that i got a major wake up call and realised the areas i am lacking in and bad because i didn't do as well as i wanted to and these are my final internal examinations. But whatever happens happens for a reason right? i hope so. i just dream of the day i will wake up in a room surrounded by books. books of all sorts. i want to wake up to coffee stained research papers and scribbles in my horrid hand writing of new ideas and theories i think of. *sigh* i just really hope i can accomplish my dreams. i look up at my dad and he has done so so much and if i did half of the things he has accomplished i will be blessed.

anyways, now that trials are over i am going to take this week off to relax and unwind. i havent gone to work for three weeks and now i am broke :( oh well all in the same of HSC. Today was my aunty's birthday so it was a mini celebration for me as well. tomorrow I'm going to spend time with my mum and probably go to the movies and out to lunch. on thursday one of my older best friends getting married and i cant attend the hens night because i am 17 T_T so were just going to have our own mini party. and on friday... i am going to go back to the place i grew up and just cry at how lovely it was and how happy i was back then. that doesn't mean I'm not happy now, I'm extremely happy but sometimes i feel that if we stayed there i would have been much happier (reasons are stated in a previous blog post "the days we were happy"). but yeah.

these trials have been very stressful and i am so blessed to have awesome sauce friends who have been there with me every step of the way. i would like to give a big thank you to Richie! who is the most aweosmest and supportive person i know. i don't even have to say anything and Richie being the lovely human being he is will randomly text me to motivate me and keep me form giving up. so Richie, i know your reading this i just want to say THANK YOU SO SO SO SO SO MUCH! you honestly have no idea how much it means to me. i guess now i can forget how much you scared me on the first day of year 7 when you said " I'm Richie. so whats your deepest darkest secret?" ahahha! classic memory!

anyways i have nothing more to say i guess. i blog if anything else that may be remotely interesting happens. which never does because i live a pretty mundane and boring life.

signing off,

Forger xo.

A little motivation for you all

Guys... trials are tomorrow (im addressing this to mfhs 2013, apologies to my other friends and family who read this). Even though trials are tomorrow and we are all shitting our selves i just wanted to let you guys know that everything is going to me all right. I know that this seems like the be all and end all and that if we don't get high marks its going to be the end of the world, but the truth it its not. I know that when you read that you think "yeah right" but guys look im in the same position as you and so is another 150 (approx) yr 12's. Although we all have different goals and ambitions we will be able to achieve this. We all need a little bit of a push and sometimes it helps coming from someone else. I know that for some of you that is reading this i am as close to you but i believe in you and i know that you will be able to do it. we all will. whatever you want to do in life and wherever you want to be at the end of the day you will be able to reach that destination. trial period is no doubt going to stress you out but remember that it isn't the end of the world. since year 7 we have come over obstacles whether it be about friends, family, school or studies. take a look back. we have overcome each and every obstacle and we stand here today. at the time when we faced those obstacles we thought that they were the biggest thing ever and that this was the end but it wasn't. no obstacle will ever be "the end". these trials may seem daunting but these are just another small obstacle we will overcome in order to  achieve our goals. And plus, 5 years down the track these marks wont matter, our atar wont matter. if we don't get in, in our first go we can always get in the second. fall down 7 times and stand up 8. i know you guys can do it. we all can. and although i may not be close to you but if you do feel stressed you can come and chat to me. i will try to make you laugh.

goodluck guys i know you can do it. dont give up. ever. 

Signing off 

Forger. xo.